I Give Up…

Overwhelmed. That’s my current season.

Currently I am working 2 full-time jobs, leading a home group, leading in various ways at church, keeping up and being intentional with friendships, oh and trying to be a godly wife and mom. None of these are bad things, yet combined are creating an ugly reality…

Being busy doing good things doesn’t justify failing at the few things Jesus has called us to.

rarely never cook dinner, the laundry stays piled up in bedroom floors, bottles in the kitchen sink, and I can’t remember the last time I just sat with Grant and played with him for more than 10 minutes at a time.

This past Labor Day weekend I was forced to sit still and Jesus began to convict me of my busy-ness. What He began to show me wasn’t pretty, and something I’m extremely ashamed of. My sole reason for writing this today is to pull away the pretty, filtered, put-together life that social media pressures us to post and instead expose the reality I’m living in.

Sometimes in the midst of our prayers for direction, Jesus is whispering, “slow down so you don’t miss it.” 

To be completely honest no single area of my life is in order right now. I spend every single day going 110 miles an hour, anxiety-ridden that I am going to forget something or not meet someone’s expectations, and then toss and turn at night dreading the next day’s to-do list. Think of a clumsy waiter carrying a tray on each hand full of dishes, and then add another one on top of his head… there is a loud, messy crash in his future… and I fear mine is heading in that very same direction.

It’s heartbreaking to think that if I continue at this rate our household memories will be five minutes here or there where I could fit them into my demanding schedule. I live in constant guilt for letting down family and friends because I don’t have time for them. Guys, this is not at all what I was created for.

Jesus did not die so that I might live a perfect, plugged in, box-checking life doing everything anyone asks me to do. He died so I could experience freedom and joy in this life He gave me. Right now I feel bound to so many responsibilities that I’ve agreed to in the midst of my striving to feel accomplished, connected, needed, and known—that the very freedom He died for, is a concept I can’t begin to grasp.

Today I’m hoping that I’m not the only woman who has walked these shoes and that some of you might could say a prayer for this tired girl as I begin to evaluate what in my life I need to lay down. This is a challenge for someone like me who fears disappointing people, but ultimately I know Jesus wants more for me and all of these “things” are cluttering my calling.

“If people pleasing were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” Galatians 1:10 (NLT)

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