The moment I laid eyes on my son for the very first time I felt God’s grace in a way I had never known. His love washed over me as my love for Grant began to seep into the deepest corners of my soul. I now knew his unconditional love for me in a way I’d read about, sung about, and clung to for so many years… But that day was the first time I had felt it in such a real way. His presence was there in that delivery room as the nurses handed my son to me and our eyes met. Only 6 months after Mother’s Day.
You see all week I’ve been trying to write a blog to encourage those women who are waiting and all they feel is an empty, shallow pain during Mothers Day, as they are reminded of their barren womb. I stared at my computer screen several times watching the cursor flash and the words just wouldn’t come. “But God… I want so bad to blog on my first Mother’s Day!” I prayed… Yet still no words came. He was silent.
As I sat in traffic on Saturday evening, I glanced in my rearview mirror, to check on Grant, and it hit me. All of the emotions came crashing like a wave breaking… and God gave me the words.
I would love to tell you to stay faithful or that His promises are true. I would love to encourage you with another blog about your waiting. But I’m not going to. I’m going to simply say what He placed on my heart tonight for the young woman facing another Mother’s Day without a baby, having to explain your tears to your husband knowing he will encourage you but never truly understand. This is for the girl who thinks secretly that God has forgotten her and tried to tell herself that maybe she just isn’t called to be a mother. Lean in and hear me whisper this and know it comes from a Father who loves you so very much.
It is worth it.
I know you’re thinking “that’s it, that’s all she’s got?” Yep that’s it… And I wanted to just shrug it off too, but God wouldn’t let me. He was persistent because He knew one of His girls out there needed to hear it. So there it is, my Mother’s Day blog, not at all how I envisioned it. Know this… I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt all of those feelings. I’ve hated Mother’s Day. But this year I look at my son’s reflection and the words that consume my heart are simply, it was worth it. I would do it all over again. I would sit through all of those Sunday sermons honoring mothers. I would bear with all the first Mother’s Day posts on social media. I would feel that empty, shallow feeling that no one understood what I was going through again and again, if it meant I could experience the love I’ve known the past 6 months.
And the more encouraging reminder today is that Jesus would too. He would do it all over again if it meant the same results. For Him, it was worth it too.
Trust Him. Lean into Him. Let Him fill your void until He’s ready to give you a child. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful love story He could’ve written for our family in His very perfect timing. Jesus hasn’t forgotten you. He’s heard your prayers. And He IS faithful.